我的生活
后来理想把它变成说明文
到达了终点它变成议论文
看清终点之后它变成散文
现在它是一首现代诗
有最华丽的标题
面朝大海花开暖春
然后
内空
卡卡一岁啦
他现在喜欢吃饺子
一顿能吃两个
听见音乐会手舞足蹈
视频的时候很不耐烦
他会叫爸爸妈妈
但还不知道妈妈是妈妈，爸爸是爸爸
他抓周抓了计算器
然后还抓了参考消息
我们都对他倍感敬畏
他的血型是AB
星座是双子
据说这样会有很强的双重性格
希望一重很爱我
另外一重还是很爱我
卡卡还去拍了他的第一套写真集
大多数时候他不怎么配合
可是配合的时候就可爱得让人抓狂
不过我还是最爱他的护照相
宝贝儿生日快乐！
一年又一年
姥姥没了．很突然地，三个星期以前．她说胸口闷，然后含了药睡下，就没再醒来．世界上亲爱的人又少了一个．只差两个月我就可以把卡卡抱回去给她看．也许她太累了等不动了．姥爷过世以后姥姥过得并不开心．
据说宋美龄在世的最后几年深居简出，因为和她同辈甚至后辈的人们都过身了，只得一个外甥女照顾她．这大约是世界上最寂寞的感觉．
我很想念姥姥．可是我不敢把她的照片翻出来看，只得在这儿胡乱说几句，大家无视就好了．
如果真有上帝，不知道为什么他要把时间这个维度做成不可逆，而不是像空间的三个维度一样可以在其中自由运动．这大约是一个系统的bug，只是我们一生都生活在这个bug里已经习惯了。在没有bug的系统里，下个星期我会带卡卡去动物园，回来的路上我们会去一趟一个月前的姥姥家，我说姥姥您看这就是您的重孙，您看他笑起来和您一样一样的。
My anecdotal story of a broken healthcare system
Ten months ago, days after Lucas was born, a pediatrician came to our
room to check him out. He spent about 10 minutes on Lucas, happliy
declared that Lucas is one healthy baby, then swiftly left the room.
T minus 6 months, I was anxiously waiting in my OB’s office for my
first appointment. Without much to do, I made a phone call to my
insurance company. The customer service lady warmly congratulated me
for my pregnancy and assured me that I’m all covered. "How about my
baby?", I asked. "Oh, don’t you worry. He’s automatically covered by
his mom’s insurance for the first 30 days!", she said. "How
wonderful.", I thought to myself. Sounds like insurance companies are
not so evil as people have claimed. Sometimes they make things easy,
too!
T plus 3 months, I received a $292 bill from the Bryn Mawr hospital for
the pediatric service, with a "seriously overdue" hot pink tag on it. I
was so sure it was a mistake that I almost got into a fight with the
hospital billing department. When I hung up I swore to them that I
would call back and humiliate them with that proof of payment I would
obtain from my insurance company. Too bad I couldn’t. The hospital guy
was right. Nobody paid.
What happened then struck me. I was told by my insurance company (a
different CSR in the coldest tone ever) that I was soly responsible for
that bill because I never added Lucas to my plan. I was so confused
that for a moment she almost convinced me it’s my fault.
T plus 3.5 months, I finally found some time to study the fine print of
my insurance policy and located those sacret words:"A newborn is
covered by the mother’s insurance plan for the first 30 days
automatically". In the next few weeks I made several phone calls to my
insurance company. Each and every time I was told that it doesn’t apply
to my case because my employer is of a special type. Some CSRs nicely
offered their apology for the mixed messages delivered. Some CSRs were
really annoied by my ignorance about this special type, of which I
still can’t remember the exact name to date after hearing about it for
multiple times.
T plus 4 months, I decided to file an appeal simply because I’m angry.
T plus 6 months, I received a letter saying that after an independent
investigation of my case my original conversation with the CSR at T
minus 6 months was miraculously retrieved and it’s concluded that the
insurance company should pay.
One would think that’s the end of the story, wouldn’t one? Nope, not yet.
T plus 8 months, I started receiving phone calls from debt collection
guys (by the way if you think CSRs are mean wait till you hear from
these guys) threatening to report this to credit agencies if I don’t
pay immediately.
T plus 9 months, I’m so fed up by the collection calls that I just want
to pay it myself then have the insurance company mail their check
directly to me. But nope again, I was told by the insurance company
that they can’t do that. Their system is so seamlessly programmed that
they cannot manually change where the check goes to so I just have to
wait.
T plus 10 months, I can’t take it anymore. I called the appeal
department again and was greeted by a nice lady who promised to put my
case to their "expedite" list so that a check will go out in 2 weeks.
At the end of the phone call I couldn’t help asking her what does she
feel about the word "expedite". Between me and my employer we pay this
insurance company more than $292 every month for premium, yet it takes
them almost a year to spit it out. She giggled.
So here’s my anecdotal experience with the broken system. I feel sorry
for myself and I feel sorry for the hospital. Why do we need these
greedy middlemen who are purely profit-driven and have destroyed the
payment and pricing system in healthcare? But at least now I can
understand the NPR shows better when angry law professors talk about
healthcare revolution on air.
乐一个
上班这一天其实可短暂了
电脑一开一关，一天过了，嚎~？
电脑再一开一关，又一天过 了，嚎~？
上班这一天最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？
就是下班了，活还没干完！
上班这一天最最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？
就是还没下班 ，活，干完了！
最最最痛苦的是，上班时没有活，快下班了，来活了
这上班时间其实可短暂了。
眼睛一闭一睁，上午过去了，嚎~？
眼睛再一闭一睁，这下午又过去了，嚎~…….
上班最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？今天上完了，明天还得上。
比这还痛苦的事是啥，你知道嘛？就是今天上完了，明天没得上了,嚎
革命道路
就象每个哲学家都思考死亡一样，每部电影都试图解读人生。对我来说，革命道路和阳光小美女是传递了完全相反信息的两部电影。前者说：人生就是个hopeless emptiness。这才是生活的本真。People don’t forget the truth, they just get better at lying。人生是如此地令人绝望，以至于在完美无缺的生活表象底下，女主人还是选择了毁灭和逃亡。后者说：对于小美女的一家，人生处处令人失望，爸爸没有事业小妹没有美貌叔叔没有爱情哥哥多年的梦想破灭，可是人生本身竟然还是可以这么美好。也许这就是为什么，后者是我的至爱，而前者只是包了美丽银灰暗纹纸的一瓶酱油。也许呻吟是没病的人才乐于使用的奢侈，没去过巴黎的女主人对只有巴黎才能拯救她的生活的执著信念就象她在决定要选择自己命运时表现的勇气一样令我敬佩却无法理解。
欢迎喜欢革命道路的小朋友们踊跃拍板儿砖。
How far would you go to protect your dreams?
走过路过的都进来听歌啦：http://www.myspace.cn/themailman
祝他成功．
留言
要落笔的时候才发觉此事大不简单，因为“几句话就好”这个要求对于我的满腔感慨实在是太有挑战性了。于是我打算把自己的思念都倒在这儿，把装点展板教育学弟学妹的任务留给其他同学。
我的高中生活是一幅水彩画，笔法稚嫩，色调温暖。当然回忆总是美好的，连考试作业升学在回忆里都镶了青春的金边儿，变得没那么令人厌烦了。我讨厌早自习，我讨厌所有需要早起的活动。晚自习就不一样，晚自习之后回家的路是愉快的。我对高中的回忆仿佛总是高三，因为在我三年的高中生活里两年都是高三。高考就像游戏里四肢发达头脑简单的大怪，愚蠢而狰狞地在路尽头等着。第二年高三仿佛又比第一年快乐点儿，因为人长大了，菠菜吃多了，习题做多了，武力值有所增加，就没那么怕妖怪，多出来的精力可以用来培育友谊及惦记男生。
我的中学是很好的中学，因为我没经历过真正意义的中考，所以要到很多年之后才意识到这一点，意识到自己的幸运。很长的一段时间里，我对中学最大的思念是它对面街上那家牛肉面。我不喜欢吃牛肉，就把肉拨给同去的男同学们。吃了面大家会在街上闲逛，如果比较烧包可能再买个糖葫芦或是绿豆冰糕边吃边聊。我一点儿也想不起那时候的话题，但是我记得自己那时候很害羞。我那时惦记的男同学和他的哥们儿都很贫，我最喜欢看他们斗嘴耍贫然后跟着傻乐。他们在之后的很长一段时间里甚至直到现在都影响了我对朋友的审美观，所以如果你像很多人那样觉得我这个人交朋友没原则好玩就行，那很不幸我知道这样很不好可是改不了了这是高中落下的病根儿。
除了牛肉面和一起吃面的人我最思念的就是我的老师们。这听上去很酸可是确实是事实。范跑跑在一虎一席谈上说：教师算不上是什么人类灵魂的工程师，他们当不起这个称号。虽然我很挺他觉得他比郭跳跳靠谱多了（by the way没看过的同学们一定要去看看那期一虎一席谈，很极品），但是我的很多老师们绝对当得起这个称号。他们为人正直，热爱教育，人生态度积极。他们讲的课让我甚至除了应付考试之外能时常对知识本身发生兴趣，这虽然听上去很当然没什么大不了，但是我认为所有记得自己高中是多么痛恨学习的正常小孩都会明白这对于一个中学老师是多么了不起的事儿。我最喜欢的是语文课和物理课，上了大学之后对于没有了语文课还惆怅了很久。我最大的遗憾是化学学的太烂了，虽然我自己不怎么在乎，可是每次面对有我记忆里最白的牙齿的和蔼化学老师的和蔼笑容都觉得不能让他省心真的很愧疚。我曾经非常同情老师们，尤其是政治老师，我觉得我们只学这么几年也就忍了，他们一辈子都要和这些无聊的课本和习题打交道实在是太可怜了。可是很快我就发觉其实他们都很喜欢他们的工作，每次走进教室都是由内而发地微笑着，这个发现让我倍感欣慰，我觉得这么差劲的工作他们还是做得很开心真是太好了，我很替他们高兴，因为我喜欢他们。
高考后和大一开始的那一年我的生活发生了很多变化。我从一个快乐的小孩变成了一个很不快乐的大学生。大学的前三年对我而言实在是遭透了，直到大四和后来去北京我才重拾我的快乐。也许是因为大学生活的强烈对比色，高中显得更加令人思念。不管怎样，高中是我人生最快乐的时光之一。从高中开始，我有了真正的朋友，开始了对未来的思考，甚至情窦初开。年少的时候总是低估地老天荒，我那时认定我喜欢的同学们和老师们永远都会和我住在相邻的城市，每年初二都会回到从前的教室见面（我们在中学毕业的前几年保持了这个传统），我们的过家家般的友谊看不到任何会消失的理由。十几年后，生活把我们带到面目全非的未来，我的同学们也都变样了。我看着他们新近聚会的照片，第一秒钟也会有路人的感觉。我的几何老师几年前去世了，很多老师也陆续离开了学校。我去年回去我的中学，在大门口徘徊良久，颇有点近乡情怯。有时我想，也许中学就是用来思念的，我不想和中学同学互换名片，讨论经济危机石油价格后奥运时代和兰寇眼影，然后彼此客气地许诺给表弟表妹介绍工作。在牛肉面馆那条街，十几年前有一个下午，几个中学生在买贺年卡，看摊的老板有个傻儿子，笑嘻嘻地流着鼻涕看着其中一个男同学，这个男同学也笑嘻嘻地探过脸去，然后傻儿子忽然开口对男同学说：“傻样儿！”，大家哗一下弯腰笑成一团。。。咔嚓一声，时间就定格这一刹那，压膜存档。这就是，我所思念的中学，和我想要我的中学思念的我。
I love statistics
Wandering around the world: Stochastic process
Number of people you will pass until love finds you: Negative binomial distribution
Chances of moving forward in your career: Non-linear mixed effects model of 50 fixed and 500 random factors
Amount of time you will be alive and healthy: Cox proportional-hazard function with competing suicidal risks
Feeling happy or not at this moment: Unpredictable
There are things central limit theroem can’t apply to
For everything else, there’s statistics
